Short answer: the skills an FBI hostage negotiator uses, showing interest, building rapport, then influencing, work in software customer deals too. People buy from people they like, and pushing harder only buys you more resistance.
I read an interesting negotiations book and pulled a few takeaways for software and SaaS companies in customer negotiations.
Background: The book by Gary Noesner, “Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator,” comes from the retired head of the FBI’s Crisis Negotiations Unit. His lessons about dealing with people under stress translate well to software and SaaS deals.
1) Behavioral Change Stairway. First show interest, then respond empathetically (which builds rapport), and only then attempt to influence. In any customer negotiation, listen first, show you understand their concerns (you do not have to agree), and only then try to move them. This is the same “focus on the other side’s interests first” idea the Harvard Program on Negotiation teaches.
2) Find Their Real Motivation. Figure out the person’s goals and emotional needs, and use them well. A customer who was burned by a prior vendor on support carries that scar into your deal, and you may have to address it head-on.
3) The Paradox of Power. The harder you push, the more resistance you get. Negotiation is about education, not imposing your will on the other side. Negotiators also weigh risk differently, which the Program on Negotiation covers in dealing with differences in attitudes toward risk.
4) People Work with People They Like. The person negotiating the purchase has more discretion than you probably realize. If they like you, your deal is far more likely to close.
5) Active Listening. Repeat back what the speaker said, or otherwise acknowledge it. It takes practice, and it works.
Putting It to Work in a Software Deal.
The common thread is sequence: listen and build rapport before you try to move the other side. Most vendors invert it. They lead with features, price, and pressure, then wonder why the buyer digs in. So slow down. Surface what the buyer is actually worried about, like a failed prior implementation, internal politics, or a tight timeline, and address that first. Software negotiations are not as charged as a crisis, but these skills work well with a difficult counterparty.
The Same Moves Work on the Redline.
These tactics are usually pitched at the sales conversation, but they pay off just as much on the contract itself, where deals quietly stall. When a customer’s lawyer sends back a marked-up agreement, the instinct is to fire back your own redline and defend every position. Resist it. Read the markup for what is actually driving it first. A buyer who strikes your liability cap is rarely trying to win a point for sport; usually they are protecting against a specific fear, a past breach, a board mandate, a security worry, and if you can name that fear you can often solve it without giving up the number. Try this: before you respond to a heavy redline, get on a short call and ask what is behind the two or three edits that matter most. You will learn that half the changes are negotiable and a few are hard limits, which tells you exactly where to spend your goodwill. When you do push back, explain the why, because “this is our standard position” invites resistance while “here is the risk that clause shifts onto us, and here is a middle path” invites a deal. And concede the small, low-risk points early and visibly. Giving ground on the items you never cared about builds the rapport that gets you the items you do care about. The paradox of power applies to paper too: the contract closes faster when you stop trying to win every clause and start solving the other side’s real problem.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Do hostage-negotiation tactics really apply to sales? The high-stakes context differs, but the human skills are the same: show interest, build rapport, understand the other side’s real concerns, and only then influence.
What is the single most useful move? Active listening. Reflect back what the buyer said so they feel understood, which lowers resistance before you ask for anything.
Why does pushing harder backfire? The paradox of power: pressure invites resistance. Treat the negotiation as educating the buyer, not winning, and they stop digging in.
For the broader customer-side playbook, see Software Negotiations by Showing Respect, on saying no well see Do You Know How to Say No?, and on managing soft versus hard commitments see Contract or Policy?
Disclaimer:
This post is for informational and educational purposes only, and is not legal advice. You should hire an attorney if you need legal advice, which should be provided only after review of all relevant facts and applicable law.