FBI Hostage Negotiator And Software Customer Negotiations.

Short answer: the skills an FBI hostage negotiator uses, showing interest, building rapport, then influencing, work in software customer deals too. People buy from people they like, and pushing harder only buys you more resistance.

I read an interesting negotiations book and pulled a few takeaways for software and SaaS companies in customer negotiations.

Background: The book by Gary Noesner is called Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator. Noesner is the retired head of the FBI’s Crisis Negotiations Unit. The pearls of wisdom about dealing with people under stress translate well to software and SaaS deals.

1) Behavioral Change Stairway. First show interest, then respond empathetically (which leads to rapport), and only then attempt to influence. In any customer negotiation, show interest and listen first, then demonstrate you understand their concerns (you do not have to agree). Only then attempt to influence.

2) Key to Successful Negotiations. Figure out the person’s motivation, goals, and emotional needs, and use them strategically. A customer who was burned by a prior vendor on support carries that scar into your negotiation, and you may have to address it head-on.

3) Paradox of Power. The harder you push, the more resistance you get. Negotiations are about education, not imposing your will on the other party.

4) People Want to Work with People They Like. The person negotiating the purchase has more discretion than you probably realize. If they like you, your deal is much more likely to close.

5) Active Listening. Repeat back to the speaker what they have said, or otherwise acknowledge their statements. It takes practice, and it works.

Putting it to work in a software deal.

The common thread is sequence: listen and build rapport before you try to move the other side. Most vendors invert it, leading with features, price, and pressure, then wonder why the buyer digs in. Slow down, surface what the buyer is actually worried about (a failed prior implementation, internal politics, a tight timeline), and address that first. Software negotiations are not as emotionally charged as crisis negotiations, but these skills work well when you are dealing with a difficult counterparty.

For the broader customer-side playbook on managing soft vs. hard commitments in deals, see Contract or Policy? When Software Companies Should Use Each, and on saying no well, see Software Negotiations: Do You Know How to Say No?

Legal Disclaimer:

This post is for informational and educational purposes only, and is not legal advice.